One

What you think is new isn’t new and profound has already been pondered. Someone has lived before and will live after you but... There’s only one of you. Every one of you. All sides & parts within you still just one. The duality of man & woman is only created because he/she chooses not to be one. When mankind is ready to work as one uniform mass then the world will change. And as the same when a person chooses to be one with all their parts then they will be strongest. Love yourself. 

Here’s a new story about blood...

Are you united or divided with yourself?

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Blood Thieves

 

There’s not much blood involved when your heart breaks. It just breaks. Wound doesn’t require tending like other injuries. Just the same you can’t just take a man’s heart without spilling a little blood along the way. And while there’s nothing more potent with love than the blood of woman with a broken heart, you can’t go around hurting pretty girls to get it. Love is a magical thing and damn the fool that takes a woman’s love for granted because someone like me is bound to come collecting on it.

 

Thieves don’t bother taking hearts often. Stealing a man’s heart is tricky business as most women will attest to. However, most dames won’t tell you that they weren’t after the heart when they walked away with it. I ended up with my fair share of hearts to barter off because a dame didn’t know what to do with it once she didn’t need it anymore. 

 

But tonight my bounty is different. Vita Reveille had a man break her heart so bad that some say she never quite recovered. Aloicious Ridore  left her with nothing… except her blood. Now he wants her blood because the despicable cretin is in love with someone new. It’s too despicable to think of what he’ll do with her blood but I know all too well that my customers aren’t the most delicate of humans. 

 

Some say Vita still loves him something fierce despite all the pain and heartache he caused her by robbing her and running off with her maid. But I’m hoping to the contrary that her broken heart has healed itself so I can forfeit my bounty. The problem with working for the bad guy is that sometimes you get involved in something you shouldn’t have. It’s not fair but it’s the way it is. When you live by a honor code between thieves you don’t rightly get too many opportunities to do the right thing.

 

As most men will tell you, the moment you lay eyes on a woman you know you want to find a way to keep her around or get rid of her because she never leaves your mind. The night I met Vita was like that. She was nursing her heart with a glass of whiskey and I was waiting to collect the bartender’s spine. Something about Vita made me grant the bartender another day. Maybe it was the way she smiled through her tears or the way she made heartache sound like a love story. Sure enough broken heart or not, she is the kindness person I’ve ever come across. I was pretty certain I’d do everything in my power to protect her except I couldn’t double-cross my bounty.

 

Some men have enemies and Aloicious had plenty including one crazy enough to gamble with me. He was a greek man named Stavros Grivas and eager to raise the bounty. He’d had business with Aloicious that resulted in the loss of his right eye. Now the code tends to look the other way when a bigger bounty comes along and Stavros made it hard to resist. 

 

“Whichever woman loves this scoundrel more, this is the woman’s heart you will bring to him.” Stavros says through a thick accent, before having his servant fetch a large knife. “Blood is needed for this magic. And we will agree in blood.”

 

“Understood,” I firmly take the knife and slice into the servant before handing the blade back to Stavros, who guts the man further for the sacrifice. 

“Now that it is done, we shake. We are thieves bonded in a blood oath.”

 

“How long before this spell takes effect.” 

 

“It is done.” Stavros said wiping the blood from his hands. “Leave until I need you again, thief.” 

 

Almost as soon as I left his company I felt it, I felt something in my soul more powerful than I’d ever felt before. Love. And it wasn’t my love. It was love for me and it was the most invigorating sensation. It was then I knew, I had Vita’s heart as soon as she’d laid eyes on me. Her blood raced through my veins with more power than I could ever imagine. And I knew exactly what I had to do….

 

Aloicious Ridore looked mighty surprised to wake up to Vita standing over his bed with his paramour’s heart in her hand but she knew much as I did that there’s no honor when you come across thieves.

 

 

Free Flowing

Life’s a pretty interesting journey. You can free flow and let it happen or resist it a bit. That’s always an experience either way. One man’s freedom is another man’s prison. 

Freedom isn’t just a state of mind for some people. It’s not that easy for them. For a great many people they are shackled to rules, commitments and obligations. Additionally to tell a person suffering from mental health issues that they are as free as their mind allows is quite insensitive. Freedom definitely is a perspective and a great goal to set for those with limited viewpoint of things in life. For those seeking to be free mentally I suggest spirituality, exercise or meditation. For those already free I suggest compassionately holding space and be respectful of others still trying to find peace and try to use better words when communicating your perception.

True freedom lies in being yourself and living how you choose without any one’s permission. Love yourself.

Here’s a fun one about flowing and freedom... that came from a book of poems.

Are you free? 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m

Free ~ Hearts

(12-3-14)

These little heartaches

Remind me I'm yours

Not entirely.

Entirely your heart beats free

Away from mine 

A freedom I too enjoy

Until this beating grows

Into aches

To join yours.

~m

Continue

Continuing is the only option when you want to succeed. It’s not up to anyone else but you how you go forward in life. When you believe in yourself, giving up is not even an option. All the risks, hardships and difficulties you begin to accept as just a part of the journey to success. Love yourself because negative self talk, thoughts or words will only get in the way. Get up every time the universe knocks you down and kill it! Smashing & killing every challenge changes you until it becomes second nature to succeed. Even when it seems like you are out of options... realize there’s a way forward. 

Here’s a one about killing... 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m. 

Killing Changes You.

(4-1-09)

“I could get used to this!” was what I thought as I slit his throat with my sharp knife.

The precise blade slid ever so delicately through and through his skin without the slightest bit of hesitation. Blood spilled down his chest blanketing the white button-down shirt in a dark crimson red. I was feeling very much like Hannibal Lecter when I licked the blade clean of his blood. Slowly, as I continue to clean my blade, I watch his body melt into the pool of red liquid on the wooden floor before me. You know what they say, the first time is all it takes to become addicted.

Killing changes you. Once you’ve committed the unspeakable act there’s no turning back. Funny thing was, I knew from that moment on, I was hooked. Who would be my next victim? See after all, this wasn’t planned. It was an opportunity. I seized it! The thrill of taking a life had always been on the top of my “DO NOT SHARE” list. You know that list of dark sadistic things that you just don’t share. Everyone has one, but you don’t speak of it.

I had to wait, like a predator stalking my prey. Watching… waiting... wanting… until just the right… moment. Perhaps this is how Jack the Ripper felt as he chose his victims? And who would catch me? I would be leaving the country in a matter of days. No one would be shocked if I never returned. No one could blame me for walking away from my dead end job, my artistic failure. Again, they might miss him? Doubtful, I surprised him. He wasn’t scheduled to return from his trip for a few more days. You know the type, workaholic, and no next of kin. Only leaves the house for the office and returns back promptly each day. The cleaning lady was the only person who would find the body, and she wouldn’t be returning until Monday. But again, my darkness consumes me and the wheels start to spin.

How many ways can you dispose of a body? Too many! Too FUN! Just as I’m dreaming up new, sick and twisted ways to make a body disappear… BAM! “I guess he wasn’t dead after all,” are my thoughts as I’m falling quick, looking up at this bastard holding his throat with one hand and a large blunt object in the other. I’m Out.

I often wondered what it would be like to be tortured. Today I find out. I’m bound (hands & feet) and gagged. He’s sewn up his neck wound and licking the knife – there’s blood – while I have to watch. “See, I guess two can play this game,” he says. It’s my blood… apparently he’s cut me, ten places I can visibly see in my arms and legs. But from what I can feel there are several more than that.

“You should have made sure I was dead!” With a sick sadistic smile he edges closer to me. “Cause you’ll never leave here now.” He grabs my neck, kneels down and slides the blade down my left cheek. I can feel the blood spill out, downward, as it mixes with my tears. “I haven’t had this much fun in a long time,” he whispers in my ear.

Again no one would blame me if I never came back.

Focal Point

Where your mind goes is where you’ll end up. You only carry the weight of what you keep in your focus. Without a balanced mind you don’t have a focal point to devote to achieving goals. You gotta learn to find balance within yourself to be able to focus on other things. Don’t let anyone tell you not to spend time working on yourself. 

When I started writing... It was darkness. As gritty and disturbing as I could. Lightness was never a thought. Due to its nature I wrote under a pen name. Mostly because they wouldn't publish it under a woman. An attractive woman they said "shouldn't write things like this! Why not write about love?" After years of lacking the balance, I found the lightness at the urging of a colleague who doesn’t care for who I become in the darkness and now I’m capable of focus that allows me to walk between the light & dark parts of myself to create.

We all walk between lightness & darkness. It's a choice to be happy or sad or angry or calm. Darkness or Light. And... It's also a choice to create. The balance & focus to work with both at will & not be ruled by either is liberating. Creating at will rather than need to be consumed by my emotional state was a risk but worth developing. 

Change is a constant. You control the balance in your life and hone it into a disciplined focus. 

Anyway. Here's a bit of fun from the novel... I'll let you decide how dark it is. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Dedicated

(11-2012)

“You’re leading an inauthentic life if you…” trails off the audio book in my newly detailed BMW S-series hybrid sedan that my agent has me driving for the sheer fact that ‘when you’re somebody damn it, then you’re environmentally conscious in this town’ quote unquote. 

I am somebody.

Traffic has slowed to a complete stop on the 405 while the wannabe Chopra dictates how to live a more authentic life and instead of really listening all I can focus on is the license plate in front of me that reads BIG THINGS resting above an enormous pair of balls. The larger the balls the bigger the man reads the bumper sticker resting next to the ridiculously extreme nut sack in front of me. 

Alton once told me that only the most obnoxious form of trash places those adornments on their cars. We were sitting in front of some newly opened art café in the last years oh so trendy Piedmont district when she carefully pointed out the obvious offender with two of her fingers snuggly secure in a ring containing a pair of obscenely large sapphires on her right hand.  She went on to say, “Men put their ego on display by showing off their balls and women tuck their ego neatly into a pair of overpriced shoes or a piece of jewelry,” before flashing her green finger bobbles above a pair of matching Peacock Louboutins she’d stolen from my closet. 

As I stop in the middle of the memory to wonder who she’d stolen the ring from I’m yanked forward when the traffic shifts and the Faux-pra is now telling me to “fully commit to your dream” after saying “anything is possible” before jumping back to the tagline “dedicate your life to authenticity” then disc 5 ends and traffic stops once more.

“If you want your career to go anywhere you have to be dedicated to what you are doing,” Continues Guru Zero as the traffic crawls to a stop and I realize I'm not going anywhere. “How dedicated are you?” 

Morals

Morals? Life Lessons? Or just people telling us what to do? I don’t know what is best for anyone else but Buddhism gives me the answers I seek. My suggestion stands as always... find out what works best for you and run with it. If you get something out of what I’m doing then that’s amazing, but realize you can guide yourself and that’s always a great option. Trust your own voice. Develop your own moral code.

Speaking of which, since I took a lot of flack for not explaining myself on the last story post, I’ll break my own code... The Moral of the last story post: Some people you learn to trust & work with will leave you for dead to better their own situation and some people you continue to work with & trust because you know they wouldn’t ever do anything to harm you or place themeselves in harms way. You have to be willing to take the risk to let 

yourself work with people regardless of bad outcomes. You can’t penalize others from a place of fear. 

Here’s an old story that’s one of my favorites about seeking answers & finding your way.

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

A Man with a Plan

(7-11-09)

Here I sit; alongside the road on a suitcase full of money in the dark of the night out this undetermined way. Hitchhiking my way to this abandoned place I’d never been, seen or heard of, somewhere in the middle of the state. Waiting to see a man. There’s been no one along this road for over an hour now, where I’m waiting for this man. This is where I should be; exactly where I was told to be. See I’ve got some unfulfilled thoughts in my head. I’ve spent the last two years without a home to call my own, wandering this earth in a never-ending search to find my way back. So here I am looking for answers. Answers from a man - a Man with a Plan they call him. Some say he’s a mystic and can see the future. Others say he knows every answer to every question that ever is, was or ever will be. I don’t know about all that hocus pocus, but I’d pay any price for some answers to these questions that disturb my mind and condemn my soul to burn in continued torment. 

Lights, far in the distance approach. Too remote to distinguish the image behind the irregular dots that slowly close in on my position. The answers that I seek are coming to me for a change. 100k in unmarked bills was the price I was given. This exact amount guaranteed me three questions. I was told “The Man will have the answers and know you before you even lay eyes on him.” Desperate men cling to any shimmer of hope when the cards are down. Don’t ask me what I did to get that money. I’m not proud. But I need to know NOW! I’ve reached the end of my rope and losing grip on reality. 

In the darkness, the pitch black night is still except for the lights of the car that swiftly approaches. There’s no moon tonight. The sky is a beautiful canvas blanketed with stars. More twinkling diamonds than the mind can attempt to count. The black Model T pulls up and scatters the dust around. In the car is a man. Not an older man by any accounts. Not a young man either. The look in his eyes speaks volumes. He’s seen things that will haunt you to the grave. Eyes are the gateway to a man’s soul. This Man knew things and his eyes couldn’t hide it. “Eli,” He knows my name. “Get in the car. Let’s GO!” I grab my suitcase and walk around the car. Throw my suitcase in the back and before I’ve got both feet in front of me and the door closed, he’s speeding off into the night once again. 

25 minutes have rolled by. No sign of any living thing along this road. Its pitch black and the only illumination is from the small headlights shining out on the road before us. It casts an unusual pallor on the Man’s skin. He almost seems to be translucent. Quiet. He hasn’t said a word since he picked me up. I’m certain he’ll spark up any moment cause I’m shrunk up against the passenger door and staring wildly. He looks over at me with a wide grin and it’s unclear to me who is truly mad, me or him. Just as his attention returns back to the road the Man lets out a roar of laughter. The car keeps rolling. 

Another 15 minutes roll on and he perks up again. “I suppose you have questions for me?” says the Man. I nod my head. “There’s really no need to ask them. I have the answers for you. They’ve been with us all night, somewhere alongside that road, in the dark, under that pitch black night sky filled with the twinkling stars.” I cough and take a deep breath. The Man points out the window. “See that hill out there,” I can only make out an outline of what he’s showing me, as it’s far too dark to see into the distance clearly. “That’s where I’m going, and you can come with me, if you’d like. But I can’t answer those questions for you. I can promise you will find peace of mind if you come with me. The answers on the other hand can only provide you with knowledge. You must make your own peace with what you learn from them. I can’t guide you any further than that. Do not worry. You have time to decide.” The car moves forward at a quicker pace. 

About a half an hour later, we come to a fork in the road. He slams on the brakes bringing us to a dead stop. I lurch forward in my seat and fall back quickly. Before the dust of the road clears he’s out of the car pacing, almost running, back and forth between the two roads. There are no signs of any kind on the road. He seems panicked and bewildered. After a few more minutes, he jumps back in the car, slams the door and we choose the left flank. “Sorry about that I didn’t see this coming at all.” He pulls out a handkerchief and wipes the sweat off his brow. It’s a woman’s, embroidered with initials that I’m unable to see clearly. So, how are you doing Eli? Feeling any better about those questions, yet?” He grins and keeps driving. 

“Alright now Eli,” says the Man as he slows the car, “I know you’ve got a million questions in that brain of yours right now, as I’ve got all these answers swimming around in mine. You know the rules, Eli. Three, I can only answer three. I can’t tell you what happens if you don’t come with me. I can not answer that one.” He pauses and then looks me directly in the eye. “Do not ask me about death or love. There is no certainty in either. I am warning you before you waste your time asking such things.” Just as soon as he’s spoken his peace, his eyes leave mine and return back to the road. Strange fellow. But I like his company nonetheless. 

“You’re READY then?” He spins his head around so fast I almost jump in my seat. Quite startling. The car stops. I take a deep breath and nod. 

“Seeing how I just came here looking for some answers, I think that’s what you should give me. Your offer to find peace is generous. Don’t get me wrong. You’re good people, I can tell. I don’t have anything to hold me here so it sounds pretty fair. And for the most part you’ve been good company so far.” He’s sitting quiet in front of me listening without interrupting. I stop. He pauses and starts to drive again. 

“You aren’t sure. The answers tell me that. I can’t choose for you Eli. You can’t ask that either.” He says in a somber and quiet voice. “But have it your way then.” We sit in silence another half an hour as the car crawls up this twisted and winding road far too small for even one car to pass through safely. 

The car rolls to a stop. Before he gets out something escapes from his mouth. “The initials are M.M. And don’t worry I won’t hold it against you. That one was on me. I always did like a curious man with a sense of humor.” He picks up a large rock effortlessly and throws it in the back. Gets back in and drives. 

“Since you’ve decided and I’m almost where I need to be, let’s get on with this then.” The Man takes a deep breath and looks at me. I swear there’s a tear in his eye. “The 1st - It’s always been there in front of you. Be patient and wait, its coming. The 2nd - 27 minutes left. The Reaper’s moving in fast tonight.” He sighs and stops. “Eli. I’m not answering that one. You already know the answer. You don’t need me to re-affirm it. Eli, it is within all of us to know that truth. Do not doubt your instincts.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath. “The 3rd - No, I’m not who you think. And yes, I will return for you tonight.” He stops talking and motions me out. As he closes the door on me, “Lastly, another one on me - She did love you. But you can not stop her death.” His lights disappear into the dark just as suddenly as they emerged from it. The suitcase is next to me and there’s a large rock for me to sit on. Wait.