Thursday, November 30, 2017

Focal Point

Where your mind goes is where you’ll end up. You only carry the weight of what you keep in your focus. Without a balanced mind you don’t have a focal point to devote to achieving goals. You gotta learn to find balance within yourself to be able to focus on other things. Don’t let anyone tell you not to spend time working on yourself. 

When I started writing... It was darkness. As gritty and disturbing as I could. Lightness was never a thought. Due to its nature I wrote under a pen name. Mostly because they wouldn't publish it under a woman. An attractive woman they said "shouldn't write things like this! Why not write about love?" After years of lacking the balance, I found the lightness at the urging of a colleague who doesn’t care for who I become in the darkness and now I’m capable of focus that allows me to walk between the light & dark parts of myself to create.

We all walk between lightness & darkness. It's a choice to be happy or sad or angry or calm. Darkness or Light. And... It's also a choice to create. The balance & focus to work with both at will & not be ruled by either is liberating. Creating at will rather than need to be consumed by my emotional state was a risk but worth developing. 

Change is a constant. You control the balance in your life and hone it into a disciplined focus. 

Anyway. Here's a bit of fun from the novel... I'll let you decide how dark it is. 


Kisses, m.


You’re leading an inauthentic life if you…” trails off the audio book in my newly detailed BMW S-series hybrid sedan that my agent has me driving for the sheer fact that ‘when you’re somebody damn it, then you’re environmentally conscious in this town’ quote unquote. 

I am somebody.

Traffic has slowed to a complete stop on the 405 while the wannabe Chopra dictates how to live a more authentic life and instead of really listening all I can focus on is the license plate in front of me that reads BIG THINGS resting above an enormous pair of balls. The larger the balls the bigger the man reads the bumper sticker resting next to the ridiculously extreme nut sack in front of me. 

Alton once told me that only the most obnoxious form of trash places those adornments on their cars. We were sitting in front of some newly opened art café in the last years oh so trendy Piedmont district when she carefully pointed out the obvious offender with two of her fingers snuggly secure in a ring containing a pair of obscenely large sapphires on her right hand.  She went on to say, “Men put their ego on display by showing off their balls and women tuck their ego neatly into a pair of overpriced shoes or a piece of jewelry,” before flashing her green finger bobbles above a pair of matching Peacock Louboutins she’d stolen from my closet. 

As I stop in the middle of the memory to wonder who she’d stolen the ring from I’m yanked forward when the traffic shifts and the Faux-pra is now telling me to “fully commit to your dream” after saying “anything is possible” before jumping back to the tagline “dedicate your life to authenticity” then disc 5 ends and traffic stops once more.

If you want your career to go anywhere you have to be dedicated to what you are doing,” Continues Guru Zero as the traffic crawls to a stop and I realize I'm not going anywhere. How dedicated are you?” 

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