Friday, April 16, 2010



Crying. Deep within my throat it starts. The tightness thickens until it’s hard to swallow. There are no more words between us. I’m upset. Something he knows without asking. Blinking and swallowing. My ego attempting to lick its wounds and maintain a sense of poise. A thousand things I want to say yet I can not form them into words.

Speechless. Unable to vocalize my hurt, I can only manage to stand still. Instead of exuding a cool calm I appear shell-shocked. Eyes pool with a watery grace as he stares me down. He is the representation of perfect composure. Anger fills my chest and it restricts. Calmly his eyes assess my body actions. Heart beating out of control. Afraid of the next moment when I loose myself to the emotions.

The heat of the first drop of saline against my cheek sends me spinning around. I can not face this battle in weakness. Like a wounded solider I’m bleeding out. Salty fluid slides down the side of my face burning lines into the skin as it moves downward. Before I can manage to walk away he reaches from behind slowly wrapping both of his arms around my chest. Sobs expel out into the quiet.

Screaming for release until there’s no air. Chokes of saliva mixed with tears of anger reach out into the stillness. Both of my arms wrestle to break free of his grasp. Tightly he embraces my raging body and rests his head upon my shoulder. Saline continues to flow liberally from my sealed eyes. Blinded by the uncontrollable tantrum, a fury storms within. His arms hold firm as his breath remains constant against my neck. Two secure anchors pulling me in close to keep the wild emotion from wandering away with my mind.

Hurt for all the wrong reasons. Pain that translates into agonizing cries. Unable to see the argument in perspective. Calm steady heartbeats pound against my back. His collected movements attempt to calm the disorder within. Weeping has replaced the outburst. Slowly he loosens his grip without letting go. Tender words provide a haven to my troubled mind. Restraint becomes an embrace. Wails replaced by whimpers. Peacefully I begin to lean into the folds of his arms. Liquid escapes down my cheek as the frenzy diminishes into sadness. Around he spins my conceding form. Face to face. Gently wipes the tears from my eyes.

Another 400. I didn’t start the month wanting to do these. Nevertheless here we are. Crying? There have been tears... over the years. But not tonight. Ah, and a tight neck just means its time to relax. Actually, the week has been rough. Can’t delve into it all. And I won’t. Last week I’d found away to end my own suffering and it’s amazing. This week I was exposed to suffering out of my control. The suffering of others is greater and a more powerful obstacle than our own. Especially when we choose to suffer needlessly. Don’t Suffer. Do not place your happiness in things you can not control. There will be pain in other places, don’t look for it or create it. Anyhow… Enjoy the story. m.

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