Saturday, March 13, 2010

While you were out…

While you were out…

While you were out… Away from your desk at lunch with clients? Of course Mr. Obryan called about his litigation. He wants an update on the mediation. Also another copy of the billing. Which I could have sent right over if you would have left a key to the filing cabinet with the financial statements. City Hall called about your Future Business Leaders Luncheon. You’ll be speaking as chairwoman for the committee on Ethical Women in Law. Like you would know anything about ethics. Which is why I took the liberty of placing a dozen long distance personal calls on your line. Since you never read your messages what’s the harm in confessing how much of a pompous twat I think you really are. Overpaid too. By the way, Mrs. Simpson returned your calls about Joshua Reed’s file. It seems you neglected to forward the medical records. Meaning me, as your secretary felt that the proper location for such files was in the sink under three gallons of water and then neatly tucked away beneath the copy machine in the back storage closet. Needlessly I spend 90% of my day avoiding work, 5% undermining your authority and the other 5% handling my own personal affairs. Before I forget, Madison called from school. Your daughter has apparently been expelled for indecent behavior during a pep rally. Something about missing underpants. Additionally your Dr.’s office called to reschedule that appointment for your pelvic exam. It seems rather personal but he offered to share that your results came back positive for an unsavory sort of infection. Someone’s been playing racquetball with co-counsel a little too often. By the time you’ve finished reading this, it’s probably too late for you to realize this but you no longer have a secretary. Have a nice day!

Another 300. This is a funny twist on the nasty note some people might like to leave their boss. It came from a funny story that as much as I’d love to take credit is not mine. I absolutely adored my last boss, a great lady. Not the guy that fired me. Anyhow, I promised at least two this week and now you have. I’m working on developing a couple more ideas that I’m excited for. Enjoy. M.

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