Stillness

In order to find stillness in chaos then you must go with flow become what’s surrounding you... be like the ocean when the waves of life are crashing around you. A jealous nature can be pacified. I wear a tattoo of my jealous nature as a reminder not to indulge it. I learned a very long time ago not to let it get the better of me because it meant I truly didn’t love the person if my insecurity overruled my trust in them. How about you? 

Do you find calm in chaos? Or do you let your anger break your calm. 

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.  

Calm

(8-6-2014)

calm

his lips curl into a smile

he says nothing

I’m calm

Alone and reflecting

The scent of his skin remains in my mind

When he’s away

a moment of closeness between us

races my heart

but I appear calm

look at the sky

look at the ground

hold the breath before I release the smoke

there’s nothing like his touch

words I can’t find the courage to say

I fake my calm

Inhale and exhale

Building my bravery

But he doesn’t notice

reclining back he takes a drag of a cig

I want to ask for one but don’t

Stay calm

I don’t know that I look

into anyone’s face

the way I look into his

Electric eyes they make my pulse speed

He smiles when I stare too long

Be calm.

Words he says drift away quiet

The stillness of his stare wanders

My forehead then my hair

he pushes away from my touch

he looks away at another's face

I behave calm.

There's only din in my mind

Fury in my hands

He dismisses me

Smile when he’s looking

Smoke a quick cig when I’m alone

Pretend to be calm

It’s not my age

I’m old enough yet.

A girl and yet a woman

He wants to be with her

Older, sophisticated 

I’m anything but calm

She’s everything to me

A version of life

I’ll never be

He smiles and waves at her

She looks happy to see him

Calm down

He leaves me to talk to her

Their words overlap

Few but enough

I want to rip out her brown hair

Her smile matches his face

Calmness evades me

She’s letting him go

I’m watching her stand alone

Smiles looked intimate

Her voice is quiet but she watches him

Never going over to press futher

Calm

XO

Love took on a different meaning when I started reading more about Buddhism & practicing compassion. Buddhism is more that just a photo of Buddha, a Buddha temple, figurine or a tattoo. It’s having an open heart and compassion for others. I’m not going to lie, it’s not always easy to keep your heart open. But it’s worth it.

Love, being supportive & holding compassion is seeing the good in others and their actions instead of the bad. You find the gratitude in things that don’t work out when you want to feel hurt or angered. Truly having love for someone means you’re grateful to get a phone call or message letting you know they’re running late or not able to come rather than see it as an insult they aren’t there. And when you’re apart from others, love helps you find gratitude they aren’t going through their struggles alone and they find time to think of you. To truly have love for someone & be supportive means you don’t seek to hurt them when they don’t live up to your expectations... it’s about give and take. You can’t expect of others to give you the benefit of the doubt when you don’t give them a chance. 

If you don’t love and support others goals & dreams then how can you expect others to support yours? The byproduct of having love, support & compassion for others is much like opening a bottle or can and having it spray on you. Having an abundance of love, support & compassion for others means sometimes you get it all over yourself. Please find more love for yourself and others. 

Here’s something old about give & take...

Enjoy!

kisses, m.

Give into it

6-19-2011

“Give into it” I tell him. 

He still hesitates but says nothing.

He wants to move in but gives nothing more. 

There’s nothing but space between us.

“Feel  it?  You know you want to.” I continue to press.

Instead of answering he tells me “You know you want to move in,” and leans in slightly.

 “Oh but I’m already moving in. Getting close.”

“Then come closer. Ah, but don’t lose your footing.” He tells me.

The same thing again. 

And again. 

We sidestep, around and around. 

Mimicking each other we move. 

Instead of standing side by side we keep spinning face to face. 

 I tell him to stay still and he tells me, “you first” before stepping back.

 I know what I want so I’m willing to go first. 

It’s when he does nothing that I begin to wonder. 

It’s after I start to wonder if this will ever be enough when he moves back in.

His hands taking the lead and pulling me out of my safety net again. 

“Closer. You can do this.” He says. With those words the tone of his voice tells me all I need to know.

“I know I can. But can you?” I tell him. I’m closer than before when his body reacts. 

He says “Closer” to me until I’m near enough to touch his face.

 I’m still with resolve while the air he breathes hits my face.

Resolved to find the calm, I stay still and hold my ground.

“Let me,” he says and takes my hand. 

I let him make the move without stepping back. 

With an instinct, I lose myself to the moment and touch his face. 

My touch precedes his kiss that sends him back a step.

“Give into it” I tell him and pull him closer once again.

Style Icon: Inspiring Women Barbie

Barbie is a boss and when it comes to inspiring others she loves to support trailblazing women. In a new series Barbie lends her name & support to a line of Inspiring women that have accomplished amazing things... hopefully these ladies inspire others to take on the world! 

Style Icon: Inspiring Women Barbie 

The Rose House by Sergey Makhno Architects

Barbie loves roses. They hold a special place in her heart like orchids and often fill her decor. Although she loves red and appreciates yellow right now she has a bouquet of white roses brightening up in her room. She she can only think a Dreamhouse would be lovely as a Rose...

The Rose House by Sergey Makhno Architects

The Rose House is a guesthouse made of concrete, weathering steel, glass and water. The design is a clean modern silhouette which seems to be simple, but hosts a myriad of sophisticated elements. The name Rose was given because of the blooming red walls. The architect created an artificial pool bordering with a terrace on one side to water the concrete flowers. Overall the design of the layout is freely flowing space with functional areas that transform allowing the owner to move the walls and convert the space into an open social area. 




















Would you love the beauty of this Rose?

Barbie would and she hopes you would too!

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

10 by 8 by You

The thing that changed my life wasn’t a place, thing, or person. It wasn’t a camera, a portrait, writing or a book. It was finding Buddhism. I think my spirituality is what saved me from a lot of self destruction. It taught me to find focus on what I’m doing presently. I can’t say go out and be a Buddhist or that meditating is easy. Meditating is hard and being a Buddhist is just a label people wear. 

What I can say is this: the thing that will change your life and probably make it even better, is to focus on what you’re doing instead of yourself or anyone else. Sometimes we can’t help but focusing on our flaws, insecurities or what others are doing and compare... Every ounce of energy you focus on anything else but what you are doing is one less moment you are giving to the present moment. 

It’s not to say I don’t miss people or worry for them, I care very much. I simply do my best not to let my emotions consume my thoughts. It takes time to develop this. Learning to meditate or be able to clear my thoughts didn’t happen overnight. It took years, almost 5 or 6, to be exact and still another 2-3 years to fine tune.. Sometimes I even get off track still.. So don’t give up on the effort if it’s not working. 

Remind yourself... Stay Present. Try to love yourself. And if you can’t love yourself yet... I have love for you. 

Here’s a story about change...

Enjoy!

Kisses, m.

Change

10-1-2015

“You changed.” He says when I walk through the door. I wanted to surprise him when I returned.

I miss his smile but he's not smiling when he says the words. I can't read if it's disappointment or hurt that I didn't tell him I would come.

“Yes, do you like?” I pause cautiously.

“It's darker. Your hair. And longer. You're thinner. Are you...?”

“Fine. I'm fine. I needed to be healthy and my hair did too.”

Stepping closer he touches my face and turns my head. His touch feels distant and foreign when he caresses my neck and runs his fingers through the length of my hair. 

“How are you?” I interrupt him before he can lean in to hug me. 

“Wondering why you didn't tell me. Where've you been for the last week? It's bad enough I can't see you cause you're miles away but to avoid my calls. And then show up like this? Like a stranger.”

Tightly gripping my hair he realizes his anger and let’s go. Grabbing his waist I pull before he can walk away. 

“I wanted to surprise you. I missed you and wrapped things up quickly. It took all week. 

“You scared me.”

“I didn't mean to.”

“When did you change?”

“The weight has been gradual but the hair is new. It's a little messy but...”

”It's perfect... Don't change a thing.” He says pulling me closer.

"Nothing?" I look into his eyes for reassurance.

"No." He says running his fingers across the small of my back and kissing the top of my head. 

"Really? I can think of something I would change right now?"

"What's that?" He leans back, smiling with that grin I've been missing for too long.

"Kiss me and never let me go again."

"We can do that."