Wednesday, February 28, 2018

10 by 8 by You

The thing that changed my life wasn’t a place, thing, or person. It wasn’t a camera, a portrait, writing or a book. It was finding Buddhism. I think my spirituality is what saved me from a lot of self destruction. It taught me to find focus on what I’m doing presently. I can’t say go out and be a Buddhist or that meditating is easy. Meditating is hard and being a Buddhist is just a label people wear. 

What I can say is this: the thing that will change your life and probably make it even better, is to focus on what you’re doing instead of yourself or anyone else. Sometimes we can’t help but focusing on our flaws, insecurities or what others are doing and compare... Every ounce of energy you focus on anything else but what you are doing is one less moment you are giving to the present moment. 

It’s not to say I don’t miss people or worry for them, I care very much. I simply do my best not to let my emotions consume my thoughts. It takes time to develop this. Learning to meditate or be able to clear my thoughts didn’t happen overnight. It took years, almost 5 or 6, to be exact and still another 2-3 years to fine tune.. Sometimes I even get off track still.. So don’t give up on the effort if it’s not working. 

Remind yourself... Stay Present. Try to love yourself. And if you can’t love yourself yet... I have love for you. 

Here’s a story about change...

Kisses, m.


“You changed.” He says when I walk through the door. I wanted to surprise him when I returned.

I miss his smile but he's not smiling when he says the words. I can't read if it's disappointment or hurt that I didn't tell him I would come.

“Yes, do you like?” I pause cautiously.

“It's darker. Your hair. And longer. You're thinner. Are you...?”

“Fine. I'm fine. I needed to be healthy and my hair did too.”

Stepping closer he touches my face and turns my head. His touch feels distant and foreign when he caresses my neck and runs his fingers through the length of my hair. 

“How are you?” I interrupt him before he can lean in to hug me. 

“Wondering why you didn't tell me. Where've you been for the last week? It's bad enough I can't see you cause you're miles away but to avoid my calls. And then show up like this? Like a stranger.”

Tightly gripping my hair he realizes his anger and let’s go. Grabbing his waist I pull before he can walk away. 

“I wanted to surprise you. I missed you and wrapped things up quickly. It took all week. 

“You scared me.”

“I didn't mean to.”

“When did you change?”

“The weight has been gradual but the hair is new. It's a little messy but...”

”It's perfect... Don't change a thing.” He says pulling me closer.

"Nothing?" I look into his eyes for reassurance.

"No." He says running his fingers across the small of my back and kissing the top of my head. 

"Really? I can think of something I would change right now?"

"What's that?" He leans back, smiling with that grin I've been missing for too long.

"Kiss me and never let me go again."

"We can do that." 

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