Monday, September 17, 2018


"We have no reason to mistrust our world [mind], for it is not against us. Has it terrors, they are our terrors; has it abysses, these abysses belong to us; if there are dangers at hand, we must try to love them. . . . we must hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us the most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful. . . . Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us" - Rainer Maria Rilke

There’s seldom room for fear or doubt in my life... I’m very blessed & grateful for all that I have and feel for anyone that struggles with paralyzing fears and doubt. Especially when someone tries to force them into action.  Forcing anyone is often counterproductive. Having a little faith and letting your love guide your hand goes much further in helping others. Just because you know what's best doesn't mean it's the best way.

Buddhism sees doubt as a hindrance of the mind. It’s the loss of faith and self-love that fuels fear and doubt. Often people self-medicate instead of dealing with their bullshit. Makes them push people away because they're afraid of what the future holds. It leaves them feeling they’ve failed those who care after they push them away. Self doubt often paralyzes one with fear of failure which erodes away at their self-confidence. No, the meditation stuff doesn't always work and can be more damaging when it doesn't. Once doubt has a hold of the mind, it's very hard to break it's grip. But, much like smoke, it's not there. To shake it's grip you have to realize that you must face some truths about how things really are and not how you believe they are. 

When I am sick and not feeling well, I let my body rest and seek to heal the physical symptoms. Much like a physical illness, doubt plagues the mind. It's important to realize that these fear and doubts about the future won't go away on their own but also to know that anyone dealing with them can still enjoy the wonders of life by remaining present. There is no reason to mistrust your mind, it's not against you. The doubt is, in a sense, the mind's way of trying to protect something from happening out of fear. 

Do your fears and doubt paralyze you? Don't doubt or fear the unknown. And don't let anyone make you question your confidence. You know what you're afraid of and how to overcome. Have faith, and if you can't, I have a little to spare for anyone that needs it. 

Here's one from Smoke that I never posted... you can find the book on Amazon. 


Slowly I part her lips with mine.
Quietly she breathes into my mouth.
I’m overwhelmed with emotion.

Holding it back.
Keeping my inner feelings
Under control as she reaches up and around my neck.

Slow and easy
She steps in and out of sync with me.
Carefully we tease each other with an almost kiss.

Surrounded by smoke in the back room of this bar
We playfully miss each other.
Simply looking at the fine patrons of this establishment
Reminds me that it’s not a place we should be.
No where I should’ve brought her.
But we’re here.
Waiting for a patient.

A woman who won’t tell me her given name,
But she’ll tell me to call her Babe.
A babe in a bit of trouble;
Something I don’t want for my Ava.
In these dark hours of night.

We continue to grope and insist while waiting in the back.
I don’t think that this woman is showing when my girl
Plays with my hair.
The short hair beneath my neck.
Curling it between her fingers.

I hear a shotgun in the alley.
It snaps me present.
I grab my gal by the waist.
My heart quickens.
Attentive and steady she works my neckline over.
I’m afraid what could come.

Asking if she’s fine
Gets me a sigh and a kiss on my chin.
Smiling she looks into my eyes and I know.
Knowing that there’s nothing like smile comforts me again.
She feels safe and trusts me.

I’m leaning in for a kiss and she pulls away with a laugh.
The bar empties out and it feels like we are alone.
Alone with her almost kiss.
The potential of our union intermixes with the smoke in the room.
Calm and hungry;
She makes a move at me very…


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