Monday, July 24, 2017



Focus on the memories you make instead of keeping track of what you've done. I don't recall my first story written, my first photograph escapes me, & even my first race  won. It's not a regret when you focus on the moments. Some moments are more memorable than others. Perhaps my life is better for a lack of recalling. I can't recall the exact last time I wore my toe shoes but I know I'll be wearing them again. Sure all people have their firsts... but if you focus on the first of everything you do then you'll never reach the second or third or so on. While it's great to recognize where you start... stay present so you can keep going and become what you're meant to be. Love yourself.

Here's a old one about letting go...

Do you hold on to all the firsts? Or keep going?

Letting Go
(Revision: October 2012)

Time heals all wounds. Or does it? Quite simply you have to question that logic. In time broken bones can mend. But what about broken hearts, dreams and bruised egos? There are things in life that we are trained to accept and move forward from. Loss of life, love, limb, and livelihood are all things that require a bit of recovery and never hold the same meaning once they are lost. Yet, you move on. This brings me to where I'm at tonight, standing on the top floor of this parking garage with Victoria dangling over the edge waiting to fall. Here we're having a heart to heart; trying to make her see things as I do.

Sometimes you have to move on and let go.

“Things have become so distant in this life and it's time for a change. On some human level you must feel it too? We wouldn't be here if you didn't. I can see in your eyes there's fear. I'm afraid too. Life is an experience full of opportunities. As I hold your hand tightly in mine, it seems as though I shouldn't let go. But there comes a time to let go. In order to find freedom from the constraints of humanity, you must stop fighting.”

“Don't. “She trembles and grips tighter to my hand as she begins to whimper. Shifting her weight and I'm immediately finding it harder to maintain my own balance as she hangs off the edge. Beneath us the cold air whistles and the empty streets echo our sounds.

“Darling, you must believe this when I tell you that there is nothing left of this life and who you were. Letting go is the ultimate release and only way for this...”

“I don't... JUST HOLD ON TO ME!” Victoria's shrill cry pierces the silence as she latches onto my grip tighter and begins to sob.

“Please, shh. Listen.” Tears stream down her cheeks as the sobbing grows louder. “Victoria, I need you to remain calm. It is important that you accept this. We can not linger here all night. This must be over. See this my way. I know in your heart you can. Please.”

“D-D-D-ON'T!” She stutters and begs me through her choked back tears. “Not yet. I'm not ready. I'm scared. How do I know this is the right choice? “ Her hands grip me tighter.

One might question how I find myself in this predicament. How does a person spend day in and day out convincing complete strangers to let go of life's most crucial heartbreaks, disappointment if you will and accept change. Just a simple twist of fate you could say. At one point I'd found myself on the other end of the dial, asking a stranger to solve my life's tough choice cause I couldn't do it alone. What that person gave me, the advice, well it saved my life.

Sink or Swim? Fight or Flight?

It was at that point I realized helping others who weren't able to push themselves was rewarding. Those who couldn't choose needed me. What's the harm in a little motivation? It was enough of motivation for me to take that first step myself. And I've never looked back.

Taking a hold of Victoria's arm I return her grasp whole-heartedly. “Have you let this fear affect you? We've been through this, and it's best if you embrace the situation. Give in to your true nature. Without that dedication how can you possibly hope to let go. This is your peace of mind. Face it with the strength and poise that is within you. Do not beg for life as you know it. Accept what is to come. Be Strong.”

She weakens her grip and I pull her up into an embrace.

“Are you ready?” I whisper into her ear.
“Almost,” She releases a few more tears.
“You don't have to do this.” I tell her. “If you're not ready you don't...”
“I want to. Just keep holding my hand until I'm ready.” She whispers.
My arms slowly release her body and I remain gripped in a hand lock as I lower her back down to the edge. Our eyes meet and the tears have faded. I know she's prepared herself.
“It's time?” I question and she nods. “Victoria, promise me, you will be brave about this. I know you have the courage within you. Have dignity.Don't scream.”

Her eyes indicate certainty and I know there's no going back.
“I'm ready now. Let go.”

The iron clad grip of her hand releases. There's no fear in those blue eyes. No sounds escape that determined mouth. Quietly her body descends in a graceful free fall into the dark night. Before reaching the street below Victoria whimpers loudly and arches her back spreading her wings to fly. Instincts kick in and her small form lifts with flight. With her purple and blue plumes reflecting the most brilliant colors she enters the night sky with a peaceful end to her past and a new beginning. It's probably the most beautiful thing to see a newborn embrace their true nature and let go.

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