Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Well Intentioned

Here's a bit of something old but it's new... Whatever you wish to think is not up to me. Only you control your thoughts... I'll quote Matisse. 

Kisses, m.

Well Intentioned

Thinking about feelings reminds me that I should be thinking about what comes next. 

I'm not his next.
Or his.
But maybe his. 

I couldn't say.
I can only guess at this point

It's not best to say unless you know.
I don't know. 
Because I'm not looking for a him.
Alone and just living for the moment. 

Someone from my past thinks that I still want to be his.
But I'm sure after 6 years the answer is still no. 
Some girl thinks I'm his and his and his. 
I think she just wants to be someone's before I am anyone's. 
I don't know if this is the truth or a lie. 
But I do know... We are not friends. 

Friends don't interfere. 
Friends don't judge. 
Friends don't criticize.
They certainly don't make up lies without knowing you. 

But she says her lies are truths. 
They are not truths. 
More like untruths. 

The things we should say.

And untruths. 
The things we shouldn't say.

Well intentioned half truths. We say them daily without a second thought. Often to spare someone's feelings. Or perhaps absolve ourselves from hurting someone. 

You might tell a friend you are "fine" in passing but really you are not, because it's polite. It's polite and best to spare them of any guilt for your current discomfort and... for the emotional discomfort between you caused by circumstances. It's best to believe your feelings will change rather than discuss things but that's not true. In any case you wouldn't be honest but your well intentions would be there. 

Why? Because you care. 

We mean well when we say these white lies but they are not the truth. They are the well intended fabrications to help each other cope. Or is it that we don't trust people not to get upset? Or is it that we are afraid to be vulnerable with someone in fear they'll hurt us more by not caring? Or pushing us away when they know the truth about our circumstances? It's not personal when someone rejects you but it feels so very personal. It's their perception of you. And while it's still hurts you can still manage to love yourself. 

Sometimes it's ok not to be fine when you're not.
Sometimes it's ok to have feelings.  It's ok to be vulnerable enough to discuss them instead of avoiding them.

There will be times to trust, to tell the truth and be brave enough to see the opportunities. 

It's truth and conflicts. 
Feelings or no feelings. 

Which reminds me of the animals. 
Animals can't lie. 
Or deny. 
But we're humans.
The only thing we can do is be well intended. 


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