Saturday, January 24, 2015


Do you avoid things? How about when creating things? No. Me either. I love being creative! 

Yeah I wouldn't say I avoid things or avoid creating. But I will say I don't try to write about home. It's one of those isms that no one needs to worry about. A few of my artist peeps I know will get it. As creators we have isms and things we don't do. But it's not avoiding! Once in a while it's fun to break those rules though. Yes I really do like to write fiction using the places I've been, quirks of friends or people I know and stories they tell me. My favorites have ended up in the Novel alongside my own experiences. SAKE BOMBS in SF!!! Someday there will be the Modesto Chronicles when I do not live here. 

Oh avoiding the novel... 

Understand that before I go further, typically I don't deliberately avoid working on things and I certainly don't avoid interacting with people. I usually find a place to be in when I want to be alone or in character. And yes, I offer to let everyone off the hook when I think they might prefer to be alone, unburdened or need space to sort out things. it's just me. I really do care about everyone's happiness. Always! I've been in some very dark places before myself and close to...  let's avoid that right now. 

SOOOO! Yep I've been avoiding someone... a very old friend? NO! acquaintance?? NOPE! Well, after six years I'd say this person is a nuisance! Well I have been avoiding this guy for many months. After reading my last excerpt I see that he's curious why I've yet to finish my novel. I think he assumed I'd been stalling due to writer's block, creative angst or being lovelorn. Discovering I am not burdened but simply working on it slowly again and avoiding to share has him insistent that I stop complaining about the emotional process, be self sufficient and finish. 

Yeah, I don't live in my characters in order to finish anymore. I like to enjoy it all. I find I'm happiest in the moment. I've finally been living a lot between writing on it too. 

So my neglected pest... Honey, next time you're curious drop me an email instead of inundating the site. After six years, it wouldn't hurt you to send me correspondence instead of being annoying and you don't have to visit my site. kisses, love. 

ANYHOO since I'm clearly avoiding the novel... I think there's a piece I want to put on my back in addition to other body art I need to finish, start and finish, a man someday somewhere to have fun with and places I haven't traveled or photographed yet, among other plans I need to make and save for while writing the novel. Enjoying life is my priority. I've spent too much of my life being unhappy so I'm not sorry. 

Here's another excerpt I haven't shared before. I guess I've been avoiding. ha, I would've released more had I known someone was waiting to see it. I love creating and it is so amazing when people want to read my writing or see my photographs. the excerpt is from another man in the book, think what you will. I will quote Matisse! Realize something: you wouldn't talk shit to a man writing women characters! 

Do you avoid things??? If you do or don't... Well do what works for you. 

Kisses, m. 


Avoiding Malcolm has proved to be tricky at this party but entirely possible. He's standing on the other side of the room with Chloe practically chewing his ear off, trying to make eye contact and wave to everyone but misses me. I don't want to engage him, instead when I see Jemma I engage with her. She's smiling and calling my name so very loudly and being silly. I wish she wouldn't draw attention but I smile and talk with her anyway. The star of the biggest movie opening this year avoiding the director of the biggest movie opening this year isn't what one expects to be happening but it is. As Jemma prattles on, I'm pretty sure Malcolm's getting the hint when I send his call straight to voicemail another time. After I think about how much I really don't want to avoid him, I start to feel bad and think of her. 

"It's not that I don't simply adore Malcolm, I do. it's just that…"

"you think his words can be quite destructive and cruel."  I'm filling in her sentence that I've heard about a hundred and one times before but she doesn't stop talking between taking drags off of her cigarette.

"Grayson you are listening to me aren't you?" Inza has finally stopped and recognized my lack of interest and begun to fuss with the top of her blouse as though it's suffocating her. It's one of the few times I've been present when she's realized that she isn't the only person in the room and looks at me cautiously before proceeding to speak about the infamous director. I adore her candidly discussing how it makes her feel when we're on set and I'm lost in her words and turning red when she says...

"Grayson," My name echoes once more, "Grayson! Wake up!!" But I'm still not entirely listening when I nod and let the flooding memories retreat as her words drag me back to the present. In the present I'm greeted by a beautiful and irritated Jemma laughing at me. She continues to try to engage me as Inza's words echo in my mind. "Grayson, isn't Malcolm simply amazing? Don't you agree?" Jemma gently gives my arm a rub and she continues to talk & nod waiting for my response.

"He is… Like working with one of my oldest friends. It was a great experience to work with Malcolm. I actually really enjoyed myself and trust his vision completely." I hate myself for betraying Inza when I say this truth out loud only realizing that I'm watching the shadow of Malcolm slip out of the back door of the party with his psuedo-girlfriend, who can't stand Chloe and I'm smiling now because she's rescuing me from avoiding him.

~ Grayson Cane - (The Inauthentic Life/The Perspectives)

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