Wednesday, August 27, 2014

What I can tell you? I'm Happy!

It's all love with a hint of jealousy in the air these days along with the smoke. I personally love to see the love and ignore the jealousy of others! Love, it's amazing! Especially when it's the last person you thought would ever jump in. Lots and lots of blowing smoke. Smoke... why smoke. I couldn't tell you. In buddhism it is a very bad self-harm behavior... but yet I love a cuban cigar!

What I can tell you? I'm happy and I can tell you that none of the stories in SMOKE are about any one person in particular and they can't be. I am not doing this the same as my earlier work. Much like the 'D' series it is a dedication filled with pieces and parts of living moments, real and fiction. Nothing I wrote in the series was about 'D' per se and he was amazed and overjoyed how much I created after we parted.

So for Smoke... I simply stole a quirk, a really bad habit from someone for the idea of the series. Yes they upset me professionally and on a bit of the personal level too. It breaks your heart but... You see a lack of support from someone in your life or work isn't on the level but you forgive and move on. My favorite people and I are mutually supportive. When someone stabs me in the back I keep the knife so its needless to say I took the unkindness badly but instead of holding a grudge or seeking revenge I forgave then stole a quirk.  

So I've been in the biz for photo and writing work for a while now on the solo tip and it's a challenge. And yes 'Oh how the jealously' does persist.... I could never burn anyone personally or professionally with rumors, that would be blasphemy so kisses loves! Be kind to each other. I'm not jealous, I love to see other people succeed. And I'm overjoyed when others appreciate my work. It does not go unnoticed. 

Sorry I don't make a production or single some people out more than I already do. So sorry if I have overdone it. Tell me! :( I've typically got a good barometer on shy people since I am one. I really am. It's all bravado most days. Weird huh? So please know that I really get it! Oh please try to be gracious and appreciative, I try to be even though I'm shy too. Photogs love it when you love their photos. So please be kind and realize that it takes courage to share my work too. There are better artists than I. Ok?! Kisses! :) 

Here's a new one from SMOKE that I wrote at a writer's workshop a few weeks back... Best thing ever about workshop's or circles is actually meeting other writers. On this occasion I met new writers, mostly poets and a non-poet whose work I would like to read now but I think I'll bug one of my favorite Ken's for a link... Cause I'm certain I acted like a fool because "real" writers are the only one's that truly get the fiction thing along with the drinking like Hemingway thing. So I tend to get excited and fall on myself when I meet one and bond... Male or female makes no difference. It's awkward. Oh well... Such a spaz! Lol!

Kisses, m.


Happiness is my heart. In a small moment I’m alone in a crowded room. Surrounded by the love and happiness of the souls around me. The warmth that fills my soul expands and contracts with my thoughts. The essence of the trees shifts with the wind.

Slowly the switch of the light changes the mood of crowd. A man flicks his cigarette and I’m lost in the sea. I can smell this morning in the puff of smoke that carries across the sea of faces. I can see his face in the dusk cascading off the white wall. His eyes smile. I wish this moment was the present. But it’s not. It’s a memory where I know he’s sitting across from me. I’m happy thinking of him. But I know I need to return to the present.

Presents are spilling out her bag as she walks up. I love the way she wears her hair in a bandana. The instant I see her messy curls spilling out and bouncing in the wind. I think of the hints of color in his hair, her black highlighted curls and I’m spinning backwards into his smile.  I’m involved in this self-centered thought where he’s watching me quietly. But he’s not here.

Here the warmth of the day surrounding me like a lover’s absent hug and I’m imagining the touch that matches his smile. Returning from my thoughts I watch a couple across the room giggling coo’s of tenderness.

Tenderness in their touch sends me aching into a memory anticipating what could come. I’m struggling for the present moment when all I can think of is the future and the past in my mind’s eye. When I stop to breathe I think of the electricity in those eyes.

Damn those electric eyes. 

I’m happy.

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