Monday, August 4, 2014

Choice is yours

It’s not quite raining out and I'm talking to & watching them smoke in the almost rain again. It reminds me that I was once told...

You have cigarette smokers envy.

It sounds worst than it is. 
I'm not really jealous or bitter. 
No really I'm not.
Before you call me a liar.
Remember I can catch the knives now.

Smoking kills and yet
Smoking is a freedom to choose.

I don't truly get a choice.
I didn't choose vegetarianism. 
The universe chose for me.
It wasn't a Q&A situation.
I wasn't asked. 
I was given consequences.
They are bad. 
No eating meat.

Cigarettes are like that.
I like breathing & being healthy. 
Cigs on a regular or daily basis make that impossible.
My body chose this for me. 
I want a cheeseburger sometimes.
Steak too. 
Sorry Cows. And PETA.
The universe gives you what you need. 
I think I need a steak. 
My body knows it doesn't.

My body doesn't need a cigarette.
I do give it one on occasion.
So it's not judgement when I talk shit.
It's just in good fun.
Fun the way my friend's or date's still offer me bites of their chicken pasta before laughing at my reluctance.

Judgement is a bad habit.
Smoking is a bad habit too.

You are capable of both.
The point is you have a choice. 
Do or don't?

I used to smoke.
Long time back.
I don't really anymore.
They know this.

A pack a week became two.
Then my body said no more.

Two steaks a week maybe four.
Then my body said no more.

It's why they call my situation envious.
I'm more envious of someone enjoying a Kobe steak than their Marlboro reds, blacks or golds. 

I will fuck with you
If you fuck with me.

My so called envy may get me a sinus infection and bronchitis. As I suck back on a Camel menthol I bummed to start a convo & calm the nerves my insides will freak for a few days.

But a "1 Pack 2 Pack, Red Pack Blue Pack a week" habit could get you emphysema, a trach pipe or death.

Shall we fuck around with this?
Oh yes, let's... Not.

I don't expect you to quit.
I don't expect you to listen.
I don't expect you to change.
Do you expect me to start, copy and change to match you unhealthily?
It's weird. 
I don't want to.

I like me.
As me.
Do you like you?
As you?
It's ok to like me. 
I like you.
But know that I like you as you.
Not when you're trying to be me.

Granted sometimes I don't love myself enough when I take a drag.
And I will savor that secondhand smoke in a cool collected calm knowing I can walk away.

But I'm not judging.
I'm a tourist visiting the island of nicotine. You are a resident who can leave anytime.

Often I enjoy cigars with or without a glass of wine... Unapologetically. 

Want to visit cigar bar island?
Hi, I'm Monica and I'll be your guide this evening. 
Smoking or non-smoking section?
Drinking or non-drinking section?

Buddhism frowns upon drinking & smoking. 
Buddha doesn't frown on me.
People do
I'm guess I'm not their kind of Buddhist.
Oh no?
Oh well.

I drink. 
And rarely but on occasion I smoke.
It calms my nerves.
So I bum a cig.
Intro to a new friend.
It doesn't happen often.
Drinking happens more.

I wished cheeseburgers happened more often.
Bum a taste.
Just a bite.
Convo starter.
Can we be friends?
Hold on I'm gonna be sick.

You think its funny.
It's not funny.
The universe thinks its funny.
It's not funny.
I think its funny. 
It's not funny.

It's funny!

I'll keep the knives and use them on my imaginary steak and you can smoke a bubblegum cigarette. 

I'm not perfect. 
Buddha doesn't care.
It matters to me.
My path is my own.
My mind & body are mine to care for.
You belong to you. 
To care for.
I know what works for me 
And what doesn't. 

Do you know what works for you?
Or do you like to fit?
I prefer knowing.


Ignorance is bliss.

Don't smoke?
Don't start.
Don't eat meat?
Don't start.

You can't miss what you never had.

I do miss the taste of steak like a memory I dreamed of once that's imagined but feels so real. 
But the memory is fading.

I do miss the calm that only the first drag off a cigarette can give you. 
It's only the first drag. 
I could press repeat!

I'm not envious of the smoking.
Not even jealous of steaks and burgers.
I love having the freedom of choice.
I choose to be free this morning
Waiting for the rain while sucking in the fresh air of...

We are our own obstacles. 
Get out of your own way.


No comments:

Post a Comment