Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Away. (#1)

Away. (#1)

My Darling Arthur,

Please don’t let them find this letter. They can not know more about our circumstances. We are already being watched more than is necessary. It’s imperative that you do nothing to compromise yourself further. Stay hidden. You must stay hidden. I can’t imagine losing you after all of this again.

Forgive me. I’ve broken the last promise you asked of me. Today I shot and killed a man under orders. Orders that I whole heartedly disagree with. And in doing so I broke that promise to you. All life is precious and this man was great. He was teaching the people how to read and understand the world. He wasn’t from the Faction. His words spoke only of knowledge instead of a need for control or manipulation. This man reminded me of you. Something about his kindness and bravery for the others that touched my heart the same way you do everyday. The music isn’t the same without you in my life. Our beautiful music that can only be made complete when we are together.

Please do not hold back anything from me. In these fights there can be no balance. No agreement found. I can not find fault with your past and you can not stop my future. The moments we’ve spent in disagreement only tear at our harmony. These things that I must do are not in vain. They are making me a stronger… a better soldier. There will be a time when this can all be different for a purpose. I will never… the tests, the monitoring, and the treatments can not stop the love that I have for you. Do not think that any part of this will change how I feel.

Arthur, it doesn’t get any easier without you. This distance is unbearable without your touch. You are my strength. I don’t know how much longer I can stay away. It’s been twelve days and the sickness only grows stronger in my bones. I can’t stomach the thought of losing you over this but there’s no other way. It will consume me in the end. The doses are less each day, but the sickness remains. The only peace I find is through your music. I haven’t lasted this long on my own. Without your sounds I doubt I would have the strength to move forward. The sounds of your creations bring me so much comfort. It’s in those fleeting moments of chaos that I am most calm because the music brings me home when there is nothing.

I’ve been listening to the piece you composed on our first trip to the Cardinal Islands together. It was a lullaby that was never meant for sleep. Those long nights spent talking with your hands upon the keys of the piano. Listening to the sounds of the lullaby meant for the waking moments. Do you remember how you told me that ...? I’m sorry I can not recall the exact words. The treatments are changing my thoughts around. I can't seem to focus for very long on the memories. The times we are apart aren’t worth anything compared to the richness in our life spent together.

Arthur it’s only a matter of time before this all changes. I need you to know that I would choose to be there with you instead of here. Do not doubt me, my love. Darling, leave me word that these small messages reach you. I wish that they were more than mere words. 

Arthur, please leave me more music. It is all I ask. It is in your music that I’m closest to you.

Michael Ashleigh.

Letters. Away. Approaching this set a little different. Going to drop the rest over the next 24. And thinking of Matisse again. Letting it stand. Not much else. Sorting through resurfaced lost notes and thinking of the Beatles. Please, by all means ask if you like! just... Enjoy. Kisses. m. 

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