Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Burn It Down.

Burn it Down.

Burn it Down. Open the matchbook. Pull out one. Strike. Light. Shake it out. Drop it to the floor. This is my second book of matches. A few I’ve let burn to the tip of my fingers. Mostly I’ve just wasted them. It’s one thing to say you’ll do something and really quite another to follow through and do it. Strike. Light. Wait. Deep breath. Drop another one. What am I doing? Honestly, this isn’t sanity. I’ve lost my temper again and being alone there’s no one here to stop me. So very often it’s pacified before I ever go off on a tangent. This time I’ve pretty much destroyed the house. There are no dishes left to break. The house is empty except for some pictures that I left up and a few broken lamps needed for minimal illumination. I’ve dragged what’s left of the furniture including the couch outside and I’m debating whether I should set it ablaze. Now there’s sanity for you.

Pull out the last match. Strike. Light. Toss into the pile of debris before me. Decision made. Satisfying.

The fire jumps up into the cool night sky. Dancing higher and higher as it breathes in oxygen. The path of destruction leads to a beautiful manifestation of accomplishment. The flames crawl up into the couch and down the arm of another chair in the pile. I can distinctly make out the medallion clock that was a gift in the flames. The hands of the dial are slowly liquefying and the springs uncoil breaking free. I can only imagine what remains of the Shaker style table as it went up in flames far too quickly for me to enjoy. The brilliant colors of this bonfire are amazing as it consumes this mountain of possessions. I’m mesmerized at the beauty of my creation. She’s uncontrollable and rapidly growing. The night sky is dazzling with the intense light of the fire. Vivid yellows with hints of orange and blue. Snaps as the wooden furniture bends and breaks; Music to my ears. The colors break free and thrust themselves toward the tree in the yard. Climbing up the trunk, seizing and taking hold of the branches and jumping even higher into the night sky...

Fire, fire, burning fire, taking hold and fulfilling my desire for total destruction.

My devastation couldn’t be more magnificent. I’d simply never dreamed that anything so terrifying could hold so much beauty. The blazing inferno has reached the house. I’m powerless to stop it. Actually I’m entranced by my uncontainable rage. It’s so relaxing. I’m calm. There’s no more anger left in me. Take a seat about 100 feet back in the only lawn chair left and watch it all come down.

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