Thursday, November 6, 2008

When I grow up...

The things I wanted to be when I grew up….

Ballet Dancer
My mom wouldn't let me. She felt it was a hard life and discouraged it. I still think back to this. It makes more sense to me as an adult who obsesses on things and hasn't found peace. Maybe I should have been a dancer. I would have committed to it the same way I committed to music all those years, (I played violin growing up - 15 yrs).  I still love to dance, but I'm not a graceful person and clumsy barely covers it.

I love to write. It's the only thing that I continue to do throughout it all. I keep journals & notebooks and now I have sketchbooks too. I've always written since I can remember being able to use a pencil to put words on a paper. Someday I will have the nerve to get something published. Until then the stories and poetry shall remain undiscovered.

Recording Engineer
I wanted so badly to work with music in some capacity. As a musician I lacked the necessary strengths as a performer to pursue that avenue. So being a tech working with others on their craft appealed to me. I hoped that it would eventually lead to the role of producer. I believe in the music, I understand it, and won't give up on it. It's something I think others lack. That would have made me an amazing producer.

A/R REP. (Someday own a  label)
Again back to music. I loved the idea of scouting raw talent especially 'indie' (which means something completely different now) UNKNOWN bands and signing them to a label. I wanted to start my own label which would help small bands get started in the right direction in order for them to someday sign to bigger labels. Part of me would still love to do this, and I know I could and it would be something amazing. Honestly, it's the only thing I would still consider doing instead of where I am now.

Work for MTV
This was me being such a kid. I had such a affinity for music videos and wanted to be a part of that . I hate the direction that network has gone in and I'm glad that I didn't go there. I love the other channels that they have... you know the channels that actually show videos. Which is what I embraced about the network in the beginning.

Director of Music Videos/Film maker
I loved what was coming out in the form of music video during the mid to late 90s and early 2000s. Directors like Hype Williams, Mark Romanek, Chris Cunningham, Michel Gondry, [there are alot more so....etc.]  were so inspiring. I love music & visuals and wanted to unite those concepts in my own vision. I loved both things so much that I knew I could bring the music to life visually. I was inspired by a lot of Avant-Garde film makers at the time too. For the record, I went to school for film related nonesense for about 2+ yrs.

I wanted to teach English/Literature. I wanted to share my love of writing. I was confused? What more can I say? So I got lost, FOR LIKE 3+ years. I couldn't tell you what I thought I could've possibly accomplished here. Teachers are not respected or treated with the dignity they deserve. I guess I couldn't ever sum up the courage to follow through. It still kills me too. But I know, deep down, it was the wrong path for me. Call it intuition or whatever, but my urge was to run, so I did.

Interior Designer
Can you believe this came first? I can't either sometimes. It seems so conservative of me. If you can forgive me for the teacher BS, then this is a lot easier to swallow. I love to move my home around constantly and decorate in themes. And... as obnoxious as it sounds I love to tell people how to decorate their spaces [rooms] all the time too. So if you get close enough to know me, then WATCH OUT! Honestly I can't help it either.

Set Decorator/Designer
I wanted to work in film and travel. This career united my love of themes and decor. At the time I had just lost one of my closest friends ever, and felt all alone again. So I simply wanted to finish all the shit I had never followed through on and leave this awful town. This became complicated when my design teacher/mentor encouraged me to take some art classes and network with other types of artists & designers. She felt it would make me a stronger designer. The experiences changed how I would ultimately design.... FOREVER! I'm ruined, but I love it.

Artist/Designer/who knows?
So here's where I am now. Now that I can create, I want more than everyone else wants.  I want to make my own designs in every aspect. I want to put together a house with my own furnishings and designs. I want the furnishings/furniture to be custom from my own work. The walls to breathe uniqueness. I can't even explain more without giving away too much. And I don't want to be limited to homes. I want it all. There's the trouble.

Tell me about you... what did you want to be when you grew up? kisses. m.

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