Wednesday, June 29, 2011



He says this is love.

His version of love carries no commitment.

From day to day to day, I want the same thing and he hardly knows his own name.

Some might tell you that you have full free will when it comes to choosing who you love, when it’s not really like that at all. You have no choice. It’s like a pothole in the road. If you’re lucky and see it in enough time maybe you’ll miss it.

The day before yesterday he tells me that I need to think about what I want. We’re hardly talking at this point but I need to know what I want. It’s important that I know what I want, especially when he doesn’t have a clue.

Talking is what I want. This isn’t what he had in mind and says there’s nothing to say when there is everything to say.

Where is the love he talks about? I can’t see, smell, feel or taste it. It’s not something that I can put a finger on but he says it’s there.

 And even when he walks away from me, he says it’s still there.

My heart is scalded by the love that he keeps talking about.

His love, his love, his love. Where is it?

What about our love?

If we’re a pair shouldn’t it be shared?
Before I can even imagine what it would be like to share love he pulls the rug out from under me again.

Love isn’t one-sided. There’s no version where it is all take without give.

But that doesn’t change how I feel when he tells me this is love. I want to believe this is love but everything he does and says contradicts that truth.

His version isn’t genuine.
It isn't love.
It isn’t truth.

300. Version. An older one. About January, maybe February of this year if I’m remembering correctly. A few of people know the long story and a few don’t. Needless to say there were a handful of ‘300’s’ produced in a series from the experience of the beginning of a brick wall crumbling without much warn. Each 300 tied to another in progression. It was another instance where I took from my personal experience to create and the border between fiction and real is truly pushed. Another instance where I will say: if you think it is about you, what does that thought say about you because it is not. Anyway… ever meet anyone that had a version of love? There is no version. When you love it is unconditional. Regardless of anger, sadness, etc. Love means you positively give of yourself without expecting back. And if someone loves you in return, that regard is returned without demand. People learn this example best from their inner circle of friends and/or family. Love is best without restraints and embraced openly. You cannot control people. This extends to their feelings. Ultimately this is what it means to be human; to love one another without limitations or rules.

People confuse the longing and attachment with falling into love. Love and in love are different emotional bases. To be in love… is grand. But it doesn’t come so easy. You can’t jump into playing house without having the courtship. As with anything in this life you have to put yourself out there to get to that place. It’s starts off small and becomes more. Remember infatuation can turn into more if you let it. See a guy or girl you like… talk to them. You can’t expect to get anywhere from standing on the side. Get involved. Remember… No versions. Enjoy every moment. Live, love and breath. kisses. m.

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