Sunday, April 3, 2011



Are we back here again?
He tells me that we are and that I’m supposed to know why.
I can’t see what he sees and I don’t know why
Or how we ended up here…

It doesn’t matter why.
Or how.
Or who did it.
It only matters that we’re here.
And we shouldn’t be.

There’s a thousand reasons to see things the way they were.
And one reason to see things different.
I want to see it differently.
And I wonder if he doesn’t want the same thing.
We’ve tried and failed at seeing it from each others eyes.
It’s time for us to see it the same way.

He’s busy working against me when he throws a fist at the wall.
It’s not me he’s mad at.
It’s the situation.
But that won’t stop him from feeling that anger.
That anger is fear.
And the fear is what takes us back to the start.

When he says it’s me that brings us back to the start I know that’s not true.
There is no start or end in this.
It’s nothing like a circle.
There is no center.
There is only the outside like a wall.
And what’s left inside is…

It’s always back to where we started when it should be where we are going.
The future is constantly changing with every move that we make.
Even when we keep starting we’re changing everything.
So why aren’t we moving forward now?
I’m ready to keep moving ahead toward what comes next.
And all he wants to do is start over again.
Again and again.

There’s no way we can win the race if it continues to restart.
No coming back to here.
Time to forget why or how.
It’s time to win the race…

300. Again. Time after time. It’s not really the same thing you’re doing over and over again. You only think it is. It’s a little different each and every time. Even waking at the same time consistently is a bit different. Don’t believe me? Every day is different. The sun rises and sets a little bit different. If you did the exact same thing day in and day out then you might be insane. You see… Insanity is the religion of the addict. Smokers, drinkers, bottle ship makers are all the same creature but not one will admit it. Driven to pursue something. And on some level we are all addicts. Best example: Love. It’s a drug and you’ll never stop chasing it. Even when you say you’re off of it, you’ll go back in again. And you’re never back at the beginning unless you want to be. Life doesn’t reset like a video game. You best do it the way you want instead of worrying about the right and wrong of what others think. Enjoy. Kisses. m.

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