Saturday, October 17, 2009

Letting Go.

Letting go.

Time heals all wounds. Or does it? Quite simply you have to question that logic. In time broken bones can mend. But what about broken hearts, dreams and bruised egos? There are things in life that we are trained to accept and move forward from. Loss of life, love, limb, and livelihood are all things that require a bit of recovery and never hold the same meaning once they are lost. Yet, you move on. This brings me to where I’m at tonight, standing on the top floor of this parking garage with Victoria. Here we’re having a heart to heart; trying to make her see things as I do.

“Things have become so distant in this life. On some human level you must feel it too? We wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. I can see in your eyes there’s fear. I’m afraid too. Life is an experience full of opportunities. As I hold your hand tightly in mine, it seems as though I shouldn’t let go. But there comes a time to let go. In order to find freedom from the constraints of humanity, you must stop fighting.”


She trembles and grips tighter to my hand as she begins to whimper. Shifting her weight and I’m immediately finding it harder to maintain my own balance. “Darling, you must believe this when I tell you that there is nothing left. Letting go is the ultimate release and only way. Please, shh. Listen.” Tears stream down her cheeks as the sobbing grows louder. “Victoria, I need you to remain calm. It is important that you accept this. We can not linger here all night. This must be over. See this my way. I know in your heart you can. Please.”

D-D-D-ON’T! Whimper. Not yet. I’m not ready. Tighter.

One might question how I find myself in this predicament. How does a person spend day in and day out convincing complete strangers to let go of life’s most crucial heartbreaks, disappointment if you will. Just a simple twist of fate you could say. At one point I’d found myself on the other end of the dial, asking a stranger to solve my life’s tough choice cause I couldn’t do it alone. What that person gave me, the advice, well it saved my life. Sink or Swim? It was at that point I realized helping others who weren’t able to push themselves was rewarding. Those who couldn’t choose needed me. What’s the harm in a little motivation?

Taking ahold of Victoria’s arm I return her grasp whole-heartedly. “Have you let this fear affect you? We’ve been through this, and it’s best if you embrace the situation. Without that dedication how can you possibly hope to let go. This is your peace of mind. Face it with the strength and poise that is within you. Do not beg for life as you know it. Accept what is to come. Be Strong.” She weakens her grip and I pull her back into an embrace. “Are you ready?” I whisper into her ear.

Almost. Tears. You don’t have to do this. Whimpers. Just keep holding my hand until I’m ready.

My arms slowly release her body and I remained gripped in a hand lock as I lower her back down. Our eyes meet and the tears have faded. I know she’s prepared herself. “It’s time?” I question and she nods. “Victoria, promise me, you will be brave about this. I know you have the courage within you. Have dignity. Don’t scream.” Her eyes indicate certainty and I know there’s no going back. Let go.

The iron clad grip of her hand releases. There’s no fear in those blue eyes. No sounds escape that determined mouth. Quietly her body descends in a graceful freefall into the dark night reaching the street with a peaceful end.

Circa Survive. Simply put. That’s the inspiration on this. Always wanted to use the title in some capacity, finally worked it in. And on a personal note I'm trying to let go of a huge chunk of my life cause the thing that lives in my memories isn't what exists now. Chapter closed. Ever have to do that? Close the book. It's interesting to say the least. Anyhow, have a good night. enjoy? m.

No comments:

Post a Comment